5 Reasons Why I Fear Death

On a cloudy spring day, I was looking out the window and then the thought of death taking my family haunted me. I feared for my dysfunctional, loving family. A sharp painless sensation jabbed my heart. I don’t want them to die.

If I had the power, I would be able to control death’s eventual visit to every member of my family. But, I don’t.

Why do I fear death?

I don’t know what’s out there. Is the other side a room, a town, or city? Is there color? Is it just black and white? Will what I see be hazy or clear? I’m imagining a blurry scene of silhouetted figures standing around in a back-lighted spacious room, kind of like the scene I saw in the movie Hereafter. What would the temperature be like? Is it a cemetery scene or a colorful garden scene? Would it have a happy or sad feel to it? What does it smell like? Are we still breathing after we die?

I googled: have people come back from the dead to tell us about the other side. I found a handful of articles from HuffPost, Mirror, and CoventryLive. What these people recalled varied. One recalled seeing stars and bright lights, another remembered his dead brother visiting him while he was laying on the pavement, and another recalled blackness and peace.

I am still enjoying this life. I am happy where I am right now. In the article, “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” written by Alex Lickerman, M.D., he states, “I love being here and don’t want to leave.” It’s cool that I am not the only one feeling this way. I’m hoping others like my family and friends, and all of you guys, are happy too, and that things are going well for you. Like me, I hope that most of you are still seeing the beautiful and happy things in spite of the mass deaths that have occurred in schools, churches, and public events, and other not-so-good events occurring in our lives and others.

The longer I get sucked into all the  chaos and breath-taking beauty this world is offering, I want to enjoy it more. In spite of my shortcomings, my fears, and occasional self loathing, I have so much to be thankful for. I am alive. All of my immediate family are alive and well, and I hope you and yours are as well. ❤

I fear death taking every single person away from me: my parents, my siblings, the rest of my immediate family, my friends, and the rest of the people I know. I just want each one of them to live a little longer, especially if they’re enjoying life.

I almost died once. I was careless. I didn’t know how to swim, and I wanted to be with my classmates. I braved it. Stupid! I was in the seventh grade at a local international grade school in Cebu City, Philippines. I, with my seventh grade classmates, went out on an excursion to a local beach. We snorkeled out about 900 feet to the wooden raft bobbing on the dark blue part of the ocean. While we were getting ready to head back, I reached back and discovered my fins were gone. Someone said Rodney took them. I looked toward the shore; Rodney was half way there. The rest of us swam back. Minutes later, my right calf cramped up. I sank and panicked. I was sinking. I saw Lorelei in front of me, so I reached out and pulled her approximately three-feet length of hair. We sank. I heard someone shout, “Let go!” I heard Lorelei saying something like I was going to bring her down with me. That thought prompted me to let go. I pushed myself up struggling to breathe. Then I floated on my back. I was a bit nervous because I didn’t know what was lurking underneath me. I was unsure why I was floating. I calmed down a little. I was staring at the tropical blue color sky. There were a few cotton-ball-like clouds. The school’s life guard pushed me back to shore with his palms on the bottom of my feet.

Now back to that window scene. An idea to write about why I fear death lit up my idea bulb! My fear dissipated. I admit that my fear was just paranoia. I’m glad that I don’t have the power to control death’s eventual visit to every member of my family. So glad.

“I’m not afraid of dying; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” ~ Woody Allen

Photo by Kaboompics.


Rundown: Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice Gameplay Interview – IGN Live E3 2018

Based on the comments on the YouTube post, I noticed that many viewers were expecting a demo gameplay of Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. The video post depicted just an interview about the game and gameplay.

This is what I learned:

  1. The game’s world setting was imagined from Japan’s history, the Sengoku Period.
  2. SEKI means one arm, RO means wolf, but SEKIRO is not the protagonist’s name.
  3. SHADOWS is Shinobi, another word for Ninja.
  4. DIE TWICE means you’re gonna die a lot.
  5. The protagonist is a nameless Shinobi who is sworn to protect this special 10-year-old lord.
  6. The Shinobi’s prosthetic has tools that can be equipped to it.
  7. The combat gear is your prosthetic and your katana.
  8. This game has a few similarities with Dark Souls: the game is difficult, the game’s world structure is closest to the very first Dark Souls, and the game has a familiar experience as in Dark Souls.
  9. Gameplayers pain (which results in the rage-quit feeling) was never the developer’s intent; the game’s difficulty is more for a sense of achievement.
  10. This game is not Tenchu because it would be as if FromSoftware is copying what another developer did.
  11. The inspiration of this game is from wanting an original game to be based on and related to Japan’s early history.
  12. The protagonist character that you see in these clips is a set character.
  13. Customization upgrades would be to the prosthetic.
  14. Progression through the game is decision-based.
  15. You can use resurrection as a tool, but this has limitations, and the game will not be easy because of the ability to resurrect.


Being Bad is not Worth It

Definition of bad

Our definition of bad here is not something that means good, or being a bad ass, such as the good guy killing the bad guys, or looking sexy. The definition of bad that I’m looking at, according to Merriam-Webster, is “morally objectionable evil.” By evil I meaning “arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct, someone who causes harm.”

Three individuals who are bad

Adolf Hitler

Mr. Hitler was a dictator and military leader of Nazi Germany from 1934 to 1945. He was the baddest gangster of all time. He was responsible for the mass murder of about six million Jews.

Devin Patrick Kelley

Mr. Kelley was a mass murderer. He killed 26 people and wounded 20 more at the First Baptist Church of Sutherland Springs, Texas. Years before, he was court-martialed for the assault on his wife and for fracturing his stepson’s skull. He also escaped a mental health clinic.

Stephen Paddock

Mr. Paddock was a mass murderer who killed 58 people at a country music festival in Las Vegas, Nevada. He was a tax auditor. He was intensely private and unsocal. He was a gambler. His father was a bank robber and was on the FBI’s top ten list.

Many of us do not have the mindset of a murderous person

I’ve had bad days. Some of us may have endured shitty spells in each of our timelines. But this is never the reason to think and act “let’s kill everyone who is going to be at church today.” This behavior is stupid and selfish! Having a shitty moment or life is not an excuse to hurt, maim, and kill other people.

Being bad is not worth it

On April 30, 1945, Adolf Hitler swallowed a cyanide pill, which he first tested on one of his dogs, then shot himself with a pistol. His 1000-year Reich collapsed.

On November 5, 2017, a resident shot at Devin Patrick Kelley while he was leaving the church. Later, with law enforcement chasing him, he shot himself in his vehicle.

On October 1, 2017, Stephen Paddock committed suicide in a room on the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay before the police could get to him.

Every time you get upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth wasting your time being angry? – Robert Tew

Updated 12 June 2018